Subliminal Emanations

My last post talked about closed-mindedness. I have most certainly been guilty of being close-minded at times. Historically it has been very difficult for me to accept people’s more intuitive understandings into my own logical understanding. I do try hard to keep an open mind though.

Lately I’ve been thinking about some ideas that a friend of mine had expressed a while back. I will probably bastardize this, but I’ll do my best:



Every person has an energy uniquely their own that emanates from it almost like radio waves. Like radio waves, it can be tuned in under the right circumstances (ie by someone whose energy is in tune).

I think that’s the basic idea, but there was more to it.

Anyway, I was reminded of this idea in my recent thoughts about the inner workings of the mind. It is my belief that emotions relate to the type and amount of activity in the brain. Brain activity most certainly does emit some form of weak electromagnetic radiation. This is indisputable and has been put to use in the study brain activity. Whether another person can tune into this and sense anything meaningful out of it, I am not sure, but I would place it inside the realm of possibility. I would definitely expect there to be complex patterns in that radiation that relates to the patterns of activity in the brain. In the early days of personal computers, one man wrote a simple program that when run on a computer near an AM radio caused the radio to play a simple tune. Perhaps a similar effect may be possible in the mind.

Neural Nets, Nihilism, and James

I'm feeling a little frustrated at the moment because when ever I have a good idea for a quick post on here it quickly grows into something bigger as I start to realize all the facets and insightful connections to other ideas for quick posts. I suppose this is a good thing really, but it's overwhelming to have so many ideas and try to keep track of them all. I've tried to make a point lately to write at least a few notes as soon as inspiration strikes me instead of trusting that I'll remember later. I've made it a fairly high priority to do this even when I have other stuff that I "should" be doing...like sleeping or school work.

I'm gonna try not to make this a long post cuz I have more important ideas to work on...but I will mention (in brief) one of the ideas I had the other day....

I've been thinking a lot about the inner workings of the mind (a fairly common topic to occupy my mind). I've had lots of ideas lately about how artificial intelligence might work. An interesting side effect of developing my theories is that I am coming to a better understanding of why people are the way they are. For example, I believe I understand why close-minded people like James exist. In all fairness, we are all close-minded to some degree (we have to be). Here's my explanation:

Our mind is based on the neural networks in our brain. When we learn something, some connections become stronger. The more these connections are used the stronger they get (because they are apparently important enough to be used often). When you are first trying to learn something, these neural pathways are rough and not necessarily very efficient. For example to get from point A to point B may require a lot of thought the first few times. So these neural pathways find shortcuts to skip over the gritty complex details of logic and get right to the point. In this way, getting from A to B becomes more intuitive, logic is no longer required.

Now, people like James have spent so much time thinking about the same thing (in this case, god) and relating everything to it. They may have used logic to make the initial connections, but logic has since been abandoned. All connections are so strong that all other bridges have fallen to disrepair. Furthermore, because every other idea or thought they have is so closely tied to one core assumption with such a strong neural connection, if that assumption were to fall, their entire reality would crumble with it.

I would be the first to admit that I have my share of closed-mindedness (likely to be addressed in future posts). However, I like to think that I am pretty open-minded relatively speaking. Consequently, I imagine that few concepts in my mind are very deeply rooted, and few shortcuts in reasoning exist.

This feels accurate to me. I often feel like I am slow, but thorough in my thinking. I don’t jump to conclusions quickly. Every issue is a complex one that must be considered from many angles. People like James see the world in black and white, good and evil. Everything can be easily categorized. I sometimes wish that I was a fundamentalist Christian because it makes the world seem much simpler and manageable. There’s a simple answer for everything. It is so much more difficult to be a nihilist because there is no firm ground to stand on. Ideas and concepts can change on a whim and there is an overwhelming amount of self doubt. Oh how wonderful it would be to have the simple outlook of James and to be so deeply rooted and confident in the binary good and evil of the world.

But it’s simply not an option for me. Why? Perhaps due to my own closed-mindedness and deep roots in science and logic. I really don’t have many answers, only questions that spawn more questions and mostly go unanswered. It leaves the neural pathways in my mind chaotic, yet flexible.

Anyway, this is pretty long already and it was only meant to be a quick side note. I better cut it short because I have other work to do and more important posts to make. This is not the one mentioned in the previous post, that one is about my rocky relationship with writing and it may be some time until I get it finished because it is one of the ones that is growing into something bigger than I originally intended. But that’s a good thing.

Audioblogger

FUH2 Put To Practical Use.

Me and Gretchen giving the H2 salute to this gas guzzler.

Turkeys!

This afternoon we had about 40 Turkeys in the yard and there were more down the street! Our neighbor told us that the record is something like 87 Turkeys around the house. It's really cool to watch them, but they scare easily. When I opened the window to take pictures they all ran away.

My REAL Life Story

Not long ago my good friend, Salty, created a photo album on Facebook that gives a glimpse of his enigmatic life. I thought I would follow suit and create my own photo-biography depicting REAL stuff from my REAL life that REALLY happened and is totally REAL and not made up. Enjoy!

This is my Great Grandfather, Henry and his conjoined twin Bill. They were the first known successful separation attempt. Henry got to keep the legs.

The only surviving photo of my great grandparents. After 30 years of marriage, Great Grampa left his wife to go raise llamas with brother Bill’s torso. People say she was never the same after that. She ripped up all the old photos to help her forget the pain.

Uncle Tom is the joker of the family. He thought this would be a good joke in the bedroom. His wife didn’t think it was funny.

When I was 8 rears old I ran away from home. I lived in this cardboard box in the neighbors front yard for 3 months. I rented the adjacent box to a dim witted neighborhood kid named Joey and insisted that he call me the king.

Later that year our house was swallowed by a sink hole with Uncle Tom inside. No one really seemed too concerned when Uncle Tom could not be found in the wreckage.

A few years later, this guy showed up on our doorstep with news that Tom was in Switzerland making a fortune in the cough drop business. We told him his hat was silly and shut the door in his face.

I ran away again when I was 13. I made home in this cardboard box by the school. It wasn’t nearly as fun or profitable as the first time.

I met this couple on the fourth of July. They seemed confused, and he didn’t have any pants on. They tried to sell me term life insurance. I told them I would think about it but I never called them back.

FUH2: The H2 Salute

I thought this was appropriate following the recent discussion of Prerenaturalism.

Every time I see a Hummer it makes me mad. But, it made me smile to come across FUH2 because it reminded me that not everyone in this country calls American excess, "Patriotism".

The H2 is a gas guzzler. Because it has a gross vehicle weight rating over 8500 lbs, the US government does not require it to meet federal fuel efficiency regulations. Hummer isn't even required to publish its fuel economy (owners indicate that they get around 10 mpg for normal use). So while our brothers and sisters are off in the Middle East risking their lives to secure America's fossil fuel future, H2 drivers are pissing away our "spoils of victory" during each trip to the grocery store.

Re: Re: Prerenaturalism

I would like to call attention to the post "Prerenaturalism" from back in July, there has recently been some interesting discussion. I am not sure who posted, but I thank you for your thoughts!

I've always hoped to have more debate and discussion on this blog. Perhaps I spend too much time talking about myself and not enough time on other topics.

If this was "Coffe Talk With Linda Richman", I would say:
I'm getting a little verklempt...Talk amongst yourselves...I'll give you a topic: Intelligent Design was neither intelligent nor design. Discuss...

How do you feel about the dicission of the Kansas Board of Ed. to teach Intelligent Design?

Kansas education board backs doubting Darwinism

Kansas school board redefines science

Me - The Early Years

I posted a few pics of me from my early years. Last year I did an instalation art project that involved these pics (and more) inside jars that had extra little objects that went along with the pics. The jars were lit up and half burried in a pile of dirt.

A Simple Fact

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Quick Thoughts Before Bed

I've been seriously considering expanding this blog into a full website. I would get my own domain name (probably www.amorphoussentiency.com or maybe www.amorsent.com for short). Web hosting isn't that expensive apparently...like $5-10 per month for a good host. The blog would stay as a feature, but there would be more as well. I would be able to showcase my movies, and art, etc. There would probably be some sort of philosophy corner or something like that. I'd also like to have some sort of message board or communal blog for friends to post on.

Anyway, it's all just vague ideas in my head for now, I haven't had much time to plan it. Any ideas? Let me know! I hope to get started on it over winter break and I'm gonna take a web design class.

On a completely different subject.....
Back during the summer when I first got started on this blog, I had an idea for a post that I still have not gotten around to writing, but have thought about several times since. Writing on this blog has really helped me to organize my thoughts and better understand myself. However, there are still mental blocks that keep me from fully expressing myself. I can't help self censoring myself to some degree. I'm not talking about vulgar language or any thing trivial like that. What I mean is that there are still topics that I shy away from for various reasons. Sometimes it’s as simple as me not wanting to offend someone. Or I may be embarrassed to share certain sides of my personality with everyone who reads this. Other times it’s more complicated, and even in my private writing I may still censor myself. I often feel as though a thought may get censored or suppressed before it reaches my consciousness. It is my amorphous sentiency. This requires greater explanation, but alas, I must get some sleep. I will discuss this in greater depth another time and hopefully resolve some of my reservations.

Whoa! -Whoa! Yo-Yo

Whoa! Whoa! This guy is a Yo-Yo god! He's got the mad skills yo....(yo)! Check out the video!

Thanks PorscheWarrior for the link!

The Abyss Of Choices: My Amorphous Sentiency Revisited

Photo By Robert and Shana ParkeHarrison

"Every writer faces an abyss of choices when a blank page is revealed or a new word-processing document pops open. From that moment onward, one that frequently gives rise to chronic procrastination and belongs to the infamous writer's block due to its serious nature, every smudge of lead crafted and every key pecked reflects a series of decisions that drives the narrative in a direction inspired by that weighty inaugural trace. " - Quoted from here

I've been feeling like posting on here, but I could not decide what to say until I stumbled upon this quote. I have so many things to say about so many things that it all gets clogged in my noggin somewhere. It is My Amorphous Sentiency once again.

I just get this overwhelmed feeling when I am bombarded by many disparate thoughts that compete for my attention. It seems as if my brain’s way of dealing with that is to draw a blank. “The abyss of choices” Which way do I go? I have this trouble getting started on art projects all the time. That first step is the hardest. It feels as if every decision nullifies a whole realm of equally exciting possibilities. But what I need to realize is that another realm is opened. I just need to make that jump, make that decision and go where it takes me.

“Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!
And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.” – Fight Club

I remember one time I was on a walk in the woods with my friends. One of them stopped dead in his tracks at a fork in the path. “What’s wrong?” everyone asked nervously. But I was not nervous. At that moment I knew exactly why he had stopped. “It doesn’t matter”, I told him, “Both will be equally exciting, lets go this way.” We took the left path and had a great time.

Ok, so I’ve talked about how I am thinking about so much, but what AM I thinking about lately? Here is a meager cross section of what’s on my mind lately:

Mike’s study:
Off of Mike’s room, there is a small unfinished room that he likes to call his “Study”. With cold weather surely on it’s way, we decided that it would be a good idea to install insulation and drywall and luckily the landlord agreed and offered to pay for it. We have already gutted the room and cleaned it up. Now we just need to get our materials and do the work. I expect it will be relatively straight forward, but only time will tell. I will post the results.

I may have been Born in 1982, but I’m living in the 70’s
A few weeks ago I made a discovery. I was in the hallway of the CUE building when I stumbled across several thousand old 16mm educational films. I asked about them and I was told that they are up for grabs. My roommates and I have collected a small sampling of about 100-150 films and have since been watching such titles as: “Higher Education, Who Needs It?”; “Schizophrenia, The Shattered Mirror”; “Biorhythms”; “Physical Aspects of Puberty”; and many many more. The “Biorhythms” one was especially interesting. They actually extracted the brain from one moth and transplanted it into the, um, butt of another.

In addition to old movies, I’ve also been listening to a lot of older music such as “The Beatles” and “Cat Stevens” and when possible, I like to listen on vinyl. All the pops and clicks have a certain charm.

I've even been dressing kinda 70's-ish with the corduroy jacket and all. Funny story: After I bought the jacket, I was disappointed because the pockets appeared to be fake. A week or so went by and then Mike discovered that they were actually just sewn shut. So I do have pockets after all, and that discovery really made my day cuz pockets are groovy. The hat is Mike's.


School projects
I am in two photo classes this semester with two very different teachers. One teacher gives extremely open ended assignments. He does not even give us a sheet with the requirements of the assignment. For example, I asked him for a rough idea of how many final prints we should have and he just shrugged and said “a body of work.”

My other teacher follows a extremely tight, structured approach. Even on our “Personal Direction” assignment, she has given us a sheet that lays out the requirements of the assignment and it calls for 15-20 final images. A few of us in the class would rather spend more time on each image and have quality over quantity. But when we asked her about this, she just shrugged and said “the assignment says 15”.
Now, I do sincerely like both teachers, and I feel both approaches have their value. However, you all know me and my philosophy on education. I much prefer the very loose open ended approach, and I think that the inflexible requirement that puts quantity over quality is ridiculous. Leave me in control of my own education!! Especially when the assignment is touted as “Personal Direction”

Art Shows
I currently have one of my scan-o-grams showing in “The Pin-Up Show” at the S.U. Sometime in the next few months, I may also have a show all to myself at the library in my home town. That would be really cool to get a wide sampling of my work in one place.




Love Lost
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that which is on my mind the most these days. One month ago the person who I’ve held most dear in my life, decided that our relationship had gone as far as it could. Since then, a strong feeling of loss has had a strangle hold on my heart. I still go about my life, I still laugh and smile. But I long to hold her close again. She filled the past year and a half of my life with countless special moments that I never want to forget. I fear it will be quite some time until I can sort out this tangled web of emotions, but I know that I will always care very much about her.


In closing, I do very much find that writing here, and more privately, does help me to find those coherent threads of order in the chaos of my Amorphous Sentiency. It helps me take the vague unformed ideas swimming in my uneasy, uncertain mind and make them more concrete and tangible. I was having trouble deciding what to write about, and so I put it aside. Then I stumbled upon some inspiration and grabbed it not knowing where it would take me. But here I am now, probably writing more than anyone really wants to read (I’ll find some images to spice it up I promise). I have to say, it really does mean a lot to me that I have friends and family who do read this blog, even if they only skim and look at the pictures. It helps keep me motivated to keep posting.

I leave you with this:
Let go, follow your heart, and be ready to grab inspiration when it comes your way.