My REAL Life Story

Not long ago my good friend, Salty, created a photo album on Facebook that gives a glimpse of his enigmatic life. I thought I would follow suit and create my own photo-biography depicting REAL stuff from my REAL life that REALLY happened and is totally REAL and not made up. Enjoy!

This is my Great Grandfather, Henry and his conjoined twin Bill. They were the first known successful separation attempt. Henry got to keep the legs.

The only surviving photo of my great grandparents. After 30 years of marriage, Great Grampa left his wife to go raise llamas with brother Bill’s torso. People say she was never the same after that. She ripped up all the old photos to help her forget the pain.

Uncle Tom is the joker of the family. He thought this would be a good joke in the bedroom. His wife didn’t think it was funny.

When I was 8 rears old I ran away from home. I lived in this cardboard box in the neighbors front yard for 3 months. I rented the adjacent box to a dim witted neighborhood kid named Joey and insisted that he call me the king.

Later that year our house was swallowed by a sink hole with Uncle Tom inside. No one really seemed too concerned when Uncle Tom could not be found in the wreckage.

A few years later, this guy showed up on our doorstep with news that Tom was in Switzerland making a fortune in the cough drop business. We told him his hat was silly and shut the door in his face.

I ran away again when I was 13. I made home in this cardboard box by the school. It wasn’t nearly as fun or profitable as the first time.

I met this couple on the fourth of July. They seemed confused, and he didn’t have any pants on. They tried to sell me term life insurance. I told them I would think about it but I never called them back.