Feeling Proud!

Too often I am frustrated with myself for letting so many of my good ideas slip away never to be realized. At times like these I feel that I am not productive enough, or I'm lazy. I look at what some of my friends, classmates, and personal heroes have accomplished and sometimes I feel inadequate. How can I possibly live up to that? It can get me down.

But then I look back on the sheer quantity of work I have accumulated: all the photos, drawings, sculptures, movies, prints, writings, not to mention all the technical things I have done. I know that it is good work too. I don’t know how I could possibly forget all I have accomplished and judge myself inadequate even for a moment. Maybe it’s just a case of “the grass is always greener”. Other people’s work always seems better because they thought of the things that I didn’t. But on the other hand, the things that were so obvious and natural to me didn’t occur to them. Though I often struggle to get started, I know I do good work. I don’t give myself enough credit. I really feel proud.

I should not let myself feel lazy or unproductive just because I don’t follow through on every idea I have. School takes up so much of my time right now that I can’t do all the side projects I would like to. It’s better to have too many ideas than not enough. Besides, I am only 22, I have all the time in the world. The really good ideas have a tendency to resurface weeks, months, years, even decades later, it’s never too late to follow through.

I am really quite lucky. I have surrounded myself with lots of really amazing friends and family. You keep me thinking. You inspire me and collaborate with me. You pick me up when I am down and give me encouragement when I need it. You pull me back when I stray to far (or you come along for the adventure). I am proud and thankful to know you all.