Plate Tectonics
I've been in a bit of a funk lately, hence my sparse posting. I often have a hard time expressing the thoughts and feelings that define my existence. Perhaps the root of the problem is that I'm fucking insecure most of the time. My existence is practically defined by self doubt. I over think everything. I logically conclude that I am too logical. I intuitively know that I'm not intuitive enough. I want to feel, I want to be human. I want to be enthusiasticly expressive, I'm a fucking artist after all, but it's so hard to do when every thought and feeling gets filtered and diluted so much before it even reaches my own consciousness. All I want to do is JUST LET GO and let everything in my mind flow freely.
There are moments where I can feel something big brewing just out of the reach of my consciousness. It has been boiling and brewing for a very long time now and cracks are begining to form on the surface. One day it will reach critical mass and the crusty surface will break away giving birth to the masterpiece that I have carried for so long.
posted by Unknown @ 2/05/2006 09:23:00 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Don't think. just do. make a mantra for yourself- short and simple, something you say every night before you go to bed or anytime you get stressed or anytime your brain is overflowed.
something like:
"I can express my feelings" OR
"I am secure with who I am" OR
"I am enthusiasticly expressive" OR
"I feel no self doubt" OR
"Be here NOW"
"I can feel, I am human" OR
"I can let go"
even if you don't believe your mantra, the more you voice it, the truer it will be. stop writing about your writing block and just fucking do it. fuck your funk, fuck your existence, fuck thinking- JUST LET GO. stop thinking and start DOING.
Thanks for the advice. I'll try the mantra thing. I think in some ways I may be doing it subconsciously already, but voicing it would probably help.
One thing that you said does bother me though. You said to stop writing about my writing block and just write. I see you're point that I'm thinking about how to get out of the hole when I should just start climbing and see where it gets me. But if I'm experiencing frustration about expressing myself, isn't trying to express that frustration a good place to start? Either way I am writing and I'm seeing where it gets me. It is practice, and I think it may hold some value in the story I want to tell, my story.
On another note my wood sculpture project was really about doing. The teacher insisted that we not have a plan when we got started. We had to just dive in and figure it out as we went along. But this is a topic for a whole new post.
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