Where Is My Self Righteousness?!

For the better part of my life I have been haunted by an ever present self doubt. This self doubt likly has it's roots in my nihilist tendencies, although it could be the other way around (but see there I go). Rarely have I been able to be assertive and say "This is what I think". Instead, I doubt the validity of my thoughts and so I pause before I speak them. I listen to what everyone else has to say. I have felt like an observer to the world instead of an active participant; an outsider peeking through the window. All these people seem to know what they're talking about so I guess I should listen.

Where is my self righteousness to say, "this is what I think and I will make no appologies"? Where is my assertiveness to follow my thoughts and ideas? Where is my ego to say "I am an amazing person and everyone needs to know that"?

It's all burried under my self doubt...... Or maybe not, what do I know?